REMEMBER SOME OF THESE ARE MY PERSONAL OPINIONS.
So today was a sad day for me, I had to start working full-time again, and for some reason this time it was much harder than last time. I had to do this last time Corey was laid off for an extended period of time, and since it doesn't seem like Corey will be getting a job anytime soon, my bosses were kind enough to offer me the extra hours. Now, before any of you go judging Corey it needs to be said that the reason why I'm working and not Corey going to find another part-time job is that he can only work so many hours (which he already does at Pizza Hut before it really starts to mess with his unemployment compensation). It should be said to that I love that Corey and Derek are spending so much time together, because I know that eventually this friendship and relationship that they are developing now will hopefully help us when Derek is a teenager.
I have very mixed feelings about this change in my life, even though I know it wont be permanent. I feel so blessed that when the Lord has given us this trial, I have always been given the chance to somehow make things work. I have mixed emotions though, because I've always wanted to be a mom and that was something that I always looked forward too. I absolutely love being a mom, their is nothing better than it. I like being the mom that makes dinner, cleans the house, and keeps everything running at home, however, this hasn't been my experience (except for a period of about 3 months when I was laid off). I've always had to work at least part-time for us to make ends meet. Although their have been times financially where I probably could have quit I never felt right about it, I just knew that I would have to go back to work anyways during Corey's time of unemployment. Now everyone needs to understand that I don't blame Corey for his unemployment, it is just how the economy is today. There are so many people out of work. There is nothing that he or I can do about it, but work our hardest to make a positive name for ourselves. Corey has been working a full time job, and a part-time job ever since Derek was born. He delivers pizza for Pizza Hut, which I can honestly say that he hates it, but his manager is very flexible with his work schedule and school schedule. I can't even begin to thank him enough for allowing me to only work part-time. He is trying his absolute best to make my dream of being a stay at home mom come true.
So here I sit working full-time and feeling very blessed, yet angry and wondering why on earth my dream can't come true. I think part of the reason why I'm angry though is because there is nothing that I can do about it. If I could be doing something to change it I would, but there isn't so instead we just wait. I know one day my dream will come true, because knowing Corey the way I do, he won't stop until it happens, but sometimes the waiting game is really hard. So thank you Corey for trying to so hard.
So today, I'm so thankful to my Heavenly Father for giving me the skills and opportunity to help my family, yet I still pray that one day it can come to an end. I had Corey gibe me a Priesthood Blessing yesterday and he promised me that we will come out of this okay, but also admonished me to look for the good, and stay positive. I know my Father in Heaven loves me, and I know that we will be okay! I know that there are mothers out there all over America and the world who probably feel the same way I do, Blessed that they are able to help out there families, saddened that they are in the situation where they have too. I know we will get through this we always have and I'm sure we always will, but that doesn't make it any easier right now.
